Outbursts...again

"Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through, for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just smile."

Charles Chaplin

I think I already posted this lyrics here but somehow I needed to do that again. Maybe it´s because it means so much to me, maybe it´s because I know exactly what he meant when he wrote this song.

I´m a "blue" person, I hide it very well behind the smiles, the little jokes and what not but I ache for the day I can genuinely smile. Without faking, without the mask of being a humorous person.

Lately I can´t hide it at all, I´m tired of faking...

I wonder when am I going to "see the sun come shining through" for me, I wonder when this pain and emptiness I feel inside is going to fade away.

I know that I said that this year is going to be the one I´m going to see the glass half full, 2013 is going to be the year for being more positive but it´s bloody hard when the shit keeps on coming and I keep "falling down".

Maybe if I write this dark thoughts they finally go away, maybe if I do this kind of cathartic writing the heaviness will become more light and I be able to carry on with my life...