36 Blues

I think I´m having some kind of "36 blues"...
After one week of my birthday, reality is sinking in. I´m a nice, not so bad looking and independent 36 years old woman. But the truth is that I´m still learning how to live and how to enjoy the good things I have instead of focusing only on the things I don´t.
It´s a hard path, it´s tough doing it. It´s easy to go back at the old ways and feeling sad and lonely all over again.

My life isn´t what I expected too be when I was younger. I thought I would be married and with 3 kids by now...I don´t know about the kids but I do know about the partner in life, a man with whom I could share a life with. I want that, I truly want that!

This week I joined Tinder (Yes, I´m getting to that point in life). A scream for help, another try to meet someone, another desperate measure to, maybe, find a guy. But I don´t think this kind of stuff is for me. I think most men in that app are only there for a one night stand, a casual thing and I´ve "Been there, done that" and it´s not what I´m looking for any more. As my dear fiction friend Carrie Bradshaw once said “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” and i´m scared that that kind of love isn´t there for me, in fact I´m scared that any kind of love isn´t there at all...

Most of my days, I´m quite contempt with what I have in life. A job I love, my own space, dear friends and real good parents. I even been fortunate enough to travel a bit and enjoy that exquisite pleasure of embracing new cities and different cultures.
But then, that annoying hole of emptiness gets settled inside my heart and soul and I have these kind of moments. These moments of sadness and disbelief.

Today is one of that moments...I feel lonely...